Invincible!!!!

Waiting for the day when i can run and run and run again….

P/s : Changed my mind d…no scolding…thanks…

While everyone else is busy preparing for the MSK in-course assessment, I am here updating my blog. Yup!!!I woke up at 7am with my foot feeling painful again… wanted to study but although i kept staring at my notes, nothing seems to go into my head. it’s painful again!!!I think it’s because i overworked it yesterday. Being too triumph that after spraining it last wednesday, i could walk without crutches yesterday. It’s like learning to walk again. I felt so weird. It’s so hard to coordinate my movements. The feeling of unsafe, anxiety and first time fearing to cross the road after 22 years of life….I even tried to climb the escalators cos i just want to be normal like everyone else. Although it has always been regarded as a stupid idea to ban the students to use the lifts but i’ve always been a "supporter for escalators and stairs"…Was so so happy when i could walk up to 4th floor and another flight of staircase in the lecture hall to reach my seat…(just refuse to sit at lower level)…Yup… all the rush and too anxious to be normal, the pain become more intense again this morning and now i have to use back my new best friend–crutches again………………………………………………….

Depressed

Depressed

Depressed

MSK is this friday and I cant study. Ppl around say that i can study since i’ve sprained my leg and have no need to carry on with my sports events. Is that so? What kept appearing in my mind while i was reading my lecture notes was–Me, in basketball court dribbling the ball and trying to shoot..Me, in the swimming pool…Me, playing squash against a former state player…Me, running as fast as I could along the road and track!!!Supposed…supposed…supposed….If only there were If…If only i didnt sprain my leg…

Quote from my dad "do u think that u’re joining olympics?!!!?"Yeah… I’m not competing in Olympics…Maybe to an Olympian, IMU Cup is like "dust?". But to a IMU student who has never joined Olympics, I guess IMU cup is like Olympic to her though…Don’t ever judge with ur own thinking..Sports have always been the best way for me to relieve my stress from studies, from problems. Sports have never fail to make me happy, make me vibrant, make me feel refresh all over again to continue study…………………..Arghhhhhhhhhh…..

Back to IMU cup…I’d only get to play 2 sports which were futsal and volleyball so far before I injured myself…And i missed 6 other sports which i like…I didnt really like futsal and volleyball tho..I played futsal because of Lydia cos she got no goalkeeper…I’ve even hated volleyball before for some reasons..But in the end, i got injured because of it..How ironic!!!!Maybe it’s punishment cos I complained too much about volleyball…..I missed basketball(which i like most), swimming(which i like), squash(which I like)…and I’m going to miss road relay(which i like) and Track & field(which i like) soon…As for cheerleading, still an unknown….Praying hard that my "poor-thing" will heal for that….Please please please….2 months of training…………Please…………………………………………………………….

I know…I know…I came to IMU to study medicine…not to play sports…..But, I just feel not worth it to get injured at this time….Why this time?Why now????

I sound like a DISABLED person MOURNING about her injury….

Maybe I am a DISABLED person and I am MOURNING about my injury…

I have to accept it and be happy and positive……I know all that..But, it’s so hard when it’s happening to u…Yup..I’m luckier than a lot of others…But, just bear with me and let me throw my tantrum for a few moments…………………………………………….

=(

=(

Being around with friends help relieve my pain and make me happy…But, sometimes it’s just so sad to admit that i actually feel guilty when ppl have to slow down and wait for me as i can’t keep up the pace……………………

=(

Jealous of my foot cos ppl kept asking "Chia Huan…How’s ur leg?"

How come nobody ask me "Chia Huan…How’s ur other body parts?Ur heart?Ur mind?"…I feel so pessimistic and devastated recently…Going crazy soon…getting injured in the middle of my last IMU cup which i could gain lots and lots of endorphines to keep me happy…..It’s my hobby………to be active…. and now….I need to walk slowly…there was once when i can run from home to lecture hall in 1-2 minutes but now i need at least 20 minutes to "glide" from B2 to LT3 not mentioning standing in front of the road and deciding whether to hop across the road or walk or use the crutches or get tripped and knock by a car…..!!!?and other ppl just walk past me…and another one…another one….another one…

Maybe i shouldnt indulge myself in all these negative feelings anymore.Cos it’s not going to help me in anyway…..not going to help me walk any faster, not going to make me feel any happier..

Yup!!!Spraining ankle is a common injury….I would rather sprain my ankle another 10 times…just not now…..

Why did i sprain my ankle NOW????????

I feel so slack…The thing that i should be worry about now is my MSK exam… But, I’m complaining about not able to participate in sports more than not being able to pass MSK….

I need somebody to scold me…

I need somebody for me to scold…

I need somebody to complain to…

I need somebody to make my ankle heal faster…

I NEED TO STUDY…………..

Who is the best somebody??

Answer is ME, MYSELF AND I……

Remembering vividly that few weeks back, I was still yearning for a rest from all the activities and duties… And now, I finally can have it or forced to have it….I don’t think I am happy…

Places once so easily reached seems so far now.

Tasks once so easily accomplished seems so difficult now.

Sports once so greatly interest me seems frustrating to me now.

Friends….Bear with me with my endless "thank you-s" and "sorry-s" cos that’s all i can say now and that’s all i want to say to u guys.

Depressed chiahuan says : "Stupid me to have sprained my ankle and now i have to withdraw from all my imu cup events until i have full recovery. The most depressing thing was getting scolded by my dad.I don’t like the feeling of helplessness. I don’t like the feeling of tiredness after hopping around like tigger. I don’t like the feeling of having to rely on other ppl to do a lot of things although i know i couldnt survive without them. I hate the feeling of throbbing pain on my ankle which made me insomnic"

Happy chiahuan says : " I felt lucky to have friends around me to help me. Ppl who bring me to school. Ppl who held me around in uni, Ppl who carried me to the lift.Ppl who held me up and down the staircase. Ppl who cared and give me concern…thousands and thousands of thank you…"

I think the happy chiahuan had won the battle until now…At least i didn’t break my leg.. hee…=)